reserved space
6 months ago
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
Man Law By Tyrler Dirton
No man can watch a football game and go "mmmm"
No man can request to have his scalp greased
No two men can have a snowball fight
No man can grab the remote off another man's lap
No man can have a conversation in the men's bathroom
No man can put "it's complicated" as their relationship status
No man can cup his hand when doing the celebratory butt pat during a game
No man can drive a Dodge Neon
No man can know directions to a gay club
No man can wear oven mits for more than 5 minutes at a time
Thank You
No man can request to have his scalp greased
No two men can have a snowball fight
No man can grab the remote off another man's lap
No man can have a conversation in the men's bathroom
No man can put "it's complicated" as their relationship status
No man can cup his hand when doing the celebratory butt pat during a game
No man can drive a Dodge Neon
No man can know directions to a gay club
No man can wear oven mits for more than 5 minutes at a time
Thank You
"When Was The Last Time" By Tyler Dirton
When was the last time a black person told you they were about to get off the exit, and aint even left the house yet?
When was the last time you seen a health food store in the "black mall"?
When was the last time you drove past a cop and didnt tap your brakes, no matter how slow you were already going?
When was the last time you heard a 50 cent song you actually liked?
When was the last time you went to work/class and didnt log on to FaceBook or MySpace?
When was the last time you left your cell phone at home and didn't feel like you were about to have a heart attack?
When was the last time you were in a gas station on the "Rich" side of town and they sold Black N' Milds?
When was the last time you cursed out loud when you got a "Fwd this to 10 other people or Jesus will disown you" text?
When was the last time you saw a dude with a pen and paper gettin phone numbers at the club?
When was the last time you were web surfing and didnt click on the Midget Porn Pop-Up?
When was the last time you seen a health food store in the "black mall"?
When was the last time you drove past a cop and didnt tap your brakes, no matter how slow you were already going?
When was the last time you heard a 50 cent song you actually liked?
When was the last time you went to work/class and didnt log on to FaceBook or MySpace?
When was the last time you left your cell phone at home and didn't feel like you were about to have a heart attack?
When was the last time you were in a gas station on the "Rich" side of town and they sold Black N' Milds?
When was the last time you cursed out loud when you got a "Fwd this to 10 other people or Jesus will disown you" text?
When was the last time you saw a dude with a pen and paper gettin phone numbers at the club?
When was the last time you were web surfing and didnt click on the Midget Porn Pop-Up?
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Man Law By Tyler Dirton
No man can wear a watch with a skinny band on his right wrist
No man can have an action figure collection
No man can wear dress shoes with the back or the toes out
No man can wear a sweater with no undershirt
No man can let the juice from fruit run down his mouth
No man can bend over in the shower...if you drop your rag...its just dropped, or try and pick it up like an eagle would its prey
No man can wear mid calf socks
No man can take a camera phone picture of John Legend at a concert
No man can wear a Tall T and boxers to bed
No man can have an action figure collection
No man can wear dress shoes with the back or the toes out
No man can wear a sweater with no undershirt
No man can let the juice from fruit run down his mouth
No man can bend over in the shower...if you drop your rag...its just dropped, or try and pick it up like an eagle would its prey
No man can wear mid calf socks
No man can take a camera phone picture of John Legend at a concert
No man can wear a Tall T and boxers to bed
Monday, February 23, 2009
Tyler Dirton Comedy Corner
Im baaaaaack!!!!! Here's some shit I just thought of. Something I like to call ......
THINGS YOUR MOM NEVER TOLD YOU....AS TOLD TO A 5-YR OLD BOY"
Enjoy!
"Never talk to strangers"..................................Unless, they are offering you a $20 blow job or a $5 blunt of purp
"Don't put that under the bed"............................Unless your wife is walking in and that's the only place you can throw that earring ol' girl left over there the other night
"Always look both ways before you cross the street".................................But if you do fuck around and get hit, only get in the ambulance if you have to cuz they gon charge you bout $500 bones for dat shit
"Wipe behind yourself real good when you finish going #2................................But when you get older you gon have more hair in your ass so you probably need something wet to clean all dat up
"Never let anyone touch you in your secret spot............................................Unless she's a thick redbone w/ really nice lips
"Always wipe off your silverware before eating in a restaurant".......................Unless you are at the Waffle House, then you should soak dem shits in hot water cuz everybody that works in there looks like they spit when they talk and dont stop their cuts from bleeding
"Always wash your hands when you finish using the bathroom........................unless you just banged a really borderline chick, you probably want to wash your hands before you touch your dick
"Wait a half an hour after eating before you go swimming..................................But if she's in the jacuzzi butt naked thats a cramp you gon have to take
"Never swallow your gum....................................But if you are running from the cops w/ a pack that carries a felony, yea gon head and eat dat one shorty
"Keep your hands to yourself"...........................................But if you stick your thumb in her butt and she moans, keep the party going
THINGS YOUR MOM NEVER TOLD YOU....AS TOLD TO A 5-YR OLD BOY"
Enjoy!
"Never talk to strangers"..................................Unless, they are offering you a $20 blow job or a $5 blunt of purp
"Don't put that under the bed"............................Unless your wife is walking in and that's the only place you can throw that earring ol' girl left over there the other night
"Always look both ways before you cross the street".................................But if you do fuck around and get hit, only get in the ambulance if you have to cuz they gon charge you bout $500 bones for dat shit
"Wipe behind yourself real good when you finish going #2................................But when you get older you gon have more hair in your ass so you probably need something wet to clean all dat up
"Never let anyone touch you in your secret spot............................................Unless she's a thick redbone w/ really nice lips
"Always wipe off your silverware before eating in a restaurant".......................Unless you are at the Waffle House, then you should soak dem shits in hot water cuz everybody that works in there looks like they spit when they talk and dont stop their cuts from bleeding
"Always wash your hands when you finish using the bathroom........................unless you just banged a really borderline chick, you probably want to wash your hands before you touch your dick
"Wait a half an hour after eating before you go swimming..................................But if she's in the jacuzzi butt naked thats a cramp you gon have to take
"Never swallow your gum....................................But if you are running from the cops w/ a pack that carries a felony, yea gon head and eat dat one shorty
"Keep your hands to yourself"...........................................But if you stick your thumb in her butt and she moans, keep the party going
Musician John Legend responded to the cartoon with the following open letter to the Post:
John Legend to NY Post: Shame on You for Cartoon
The New York Post ran an editorial cartoon on Wednesday comparing the author of the federal stimulus bill to a crazed chimpanzee shot by police earlier in the week after attacking a woman in Connecticut.
Dear Editor:
I'm trying to understand what possible motivation you may have had for publishing that vile cartoon depicting the shooting of the chimpanzee that went crazy. I guess you thought it would be funny to suggest that whomever was responsible for writing the Economic Recovery legislation must have the intelligence and judgment of a deranged, violent chimpanzee, and should be shot to protect the larger community. Really?
Did it occur to you that this suggestion would imply a connection between President Barack Obama and the deranged chimpanzee? Did it occur to you that our president has been receiving death threats since early in his candidacy? Did it occur to you that blacks have historically been compared to various apes as a way of racist insult and mockery? Did you intend to invoke these painful themes when you printed the cartoon?
If that's not what you intended, then it was stupid and willfully ignorant of you not to connect these easily connectable dots. If it is what you intended, then you obviously wanted to be grossly provocative, racist and offensive to the sensibilities of most reasonable Americans. Either way, you should not have printed this cartoon, and the fact that you did is truly reprehensible. I can't imagine what possible justification you have for this. I've read your lame statement in response to the outrage you provoked. Shame on you for dodging the real issue and then using the letter as an opportunity to attack the Rev. Sharpton. This is not about Sharpton. It's about the cartoon being blatantly racist and offensive.
I believe in freedom of speech, and you have every right to print what you want. But freedom of speech still comes with responsibilities and consequences. You are responsible for printing this cartoon, and I hope you experience some real consequences for it. I'm personally boycotting your paper and won't do any interviews with any of your reporters, and I encourage all of my colleagues in the entertainment business to do so as well. I implore your advertisers to seriously reconsider their business relationships with you as well.
You should print an apology in your paper acknowledging that this cartoon was ignorant, offensive and racist and should not have been printed.
I'm well aware of our country's history of racism and violence, but I truly believe we are better than this filth. As we attempt to rise above our difficult past and look toward a better future, we don't need the New York Post to resurrect the images of Jim Crow to deride the new administration and put black folks in our place. Please feel free to criticize and honestly evaluate our new president, but do so without the incendiary images and rhetoric.
Sincerely,
John Legend
The New York Post ran an editorial cartoon on Wednesday comparing the author of the federal stimulus bill to a crazed chimpanzee shot by police earlier in the week after attacking a woman in Connecticut.
Dear Editor:
I'm trying to understand what possible motivation you may have had for publishing that vile cartoon depicting the shooting of the chimpanzee that went crazy. I guess you thought it would be funny to suggest that whomever was responsible for writing the Economic Recovery legislation must have the intelligence and judgment of a deranged, violent chimpanzee, and should be shot to protect the larger community. Really?
Did it occur to you that this suggestion would imply a connection between President Barack Obama and the deranged chimpanzee? Did it occur to you that our president has been receiving death threats since early in his candidacy? Did it occur to you that blacks have historically been compared to various apes as a way of racist insult and mockery? Did you intend to invoke these painful themes when you printed the cartoon?
If that's not what you intended, then it was stupid and willfully ignorant of you not to connect these easily connectable dots. If it is what you intended, then you obviously wanted to be grossly provocative, racist and offensive to the sensibilities of most reasonable Americans. Either way, you should not have printed this cartoon, and the fact that you did is truly reprehensible. I can't imagine what possible justification you have for this. I've read your lame statement in response to the outrage you provoked. Shame on you for dodging the real issue and then using the letter as an opportunity to attack the Rev. Sharpton. This is not about Sharpton. It's about the cartoon being blatantly racist and offensive.
I believe in freedom of speech, and you have every right to print what you want. But freedom of speech still comes with responsibilities and consequences. You are responsible for printing this cartoon, and I hope you experience some real consequences for it. I'm personally boycotting your paper and won't do any interviews with any of your reporters, and I encourage all of my colleagues in the entertainment business to do so as well. I implore your advertisers to seriously reconsider their business relationships with you as well.
You should print an apology in your paper acknowledging that this cartoon was ignorant, offensive and racist and should not have been printed.
I'm well aware of our country's history of racism and violence, but I truly believe we are better than this filth. As we attempt to rise above our difficult past and look toward a better future, we don't need the New York Post to resurrect the images of Jim Crow to deride the new administration and put black folks in our place. Please feel free to criticize and honestly evaluate our new president, but do so without the incendiary images and rhetoric.
Sincerely,
John Legend
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Sunday, February 15, 2009
The following statement was issued by a spokesman on behalf of Chris Brown on Sunday (February 15):
“Words cannot begin to express how sorry and saddened I am over what transpired. I am seeking the counseling of my pastor, my mother and other loved ones and I am committed, with God’s help, to emerging a better person. Much of what has been speculated or reported on blogs and/or reported in the media is wrong. While I would like to be able to talk about this more, until the legal issues are resolved, this is all I can say except that I have not written any messages or made any posts to Facebook, on blogs or any place else. Those posts or writings under my name are frauds.” [source]
As reported, Chris was charged with one count felony criminal threats (more charges could be added after the DA is finished reviewing the case) and is expected to attend court on March 5th in Los Angeles. The 19 year-old has hired popular defense attorney, Mark Geragos to represent him.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
ALFIE (the baby daddy)
Alfie was asked if he would be able to care for the child financially. His response, "What's Financially?"
Click here for the story.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Jay-Z: “Chris Brown is a walking dead man”
Or a dead man walking. Whichever you prefer. Us Weekly learned through a source that Jay-Z, Rihanna’s mentor, was not too happy when he heard what Chris Brown did to Rihanna. “He hit the roof,” the source said. “Chris is a walking dead man. He messed with the wrong crew.” Ruh roh.
TMZ adds that luckily for Chris, he will probably not be charged for making criminal threats which is more serious than the domestic battery he’ll be hit with. They also go into more detail about what happened that night.
Here’s how it went down, according to the police report. After Chris received a text message from a woman who wrote about getting together, an argument erupted. By the way, initially, Rihanna would not tell cops what started the argument.
She did, however, tell them that during the argument, he started hitting her. According to the police report, she ordered him to drive her home and “faked a call” to someone, saying things like, “He’s dropping me off. Make sure the cops are there.”
Rihanna told cops the fake call enraged Brown. He said something to the effect of “You are really fu**ed up now. I’m going to kill you.” This statement is the basis of the criminal threats charge.
At that point, according to the report, Brown allegedly began a violent attack with his fists. At some point, Rihanna took the keys out of the ignition and threw them outside.
Rihanna ended up with eyes so swollen that she couldn’t see out of them, contusions on her face, cut lip, bloody nose and bite marks on her fingers and arms.
And if you thought Chris couldn’t possibly make things any worse, think again. He’s spoken for the first time since that night. Not through his reps, but through Facebook. He updated his page with, “You’ll begin to see her true colors. Believe it!”
Oh and you ladies will be glad to know that Chris has changed his relationship status to “single.” You know, just in case there was any ambiguity at all.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Dasan Ahanu: writer, emcee, and loyal Hip Hop head
Chris Massenburg, better known as Dasan Ahanu, is a public speaker, organizer, workshop facilitator, poet, spoken word performer, writer, emcee, and loyal Hip Hop head. Born and raised in Raleigh, North Carolina, Dasan has used his southern roots to craft his own brand of creative expression. Growing up in an environment that was forever changing, allowed curious eyes to see and analyze the things surrounding with unbridled imagination. It is this imagination that crafts deep spirited poems and good quality music.
Why this name?
My name is Native American. Dasan translates as "ruler" and Ahanu translates as "someone who laughs". I chose it to mean someone who commands with a sense of humor.
Do you play live?
I play live in cities across the east coast. I am also a regular on regional and national slam circuit. I live for the stage. I have recently signed to do a project on Amp Truth Records (www.amptruth.com).
How, do you think, does the internet (or mp3) change the music industry?
The internet and mp3 files have opened up the door for the indy artist. It expands the circuit and allows access globally for small bands and labels.
Would you sign a record contract with a major label?
I would if I could maintain my creativity.
Band History:
He has been a featured performer for many showcases and cultural events. A regular performer or host at Hip Hop shows, Dasan is often asked to also host many poetry, jazz, Hip Hop events, and arts festivals across NC. Having performed with a number of notable emcees, poets and writers who are from or have visited North Carolina, he has amazed audiences from the underground scene to the college circuit as well. He has also been a regular in popular venues in cities from St. Louis to Texas. As an actor, Dasan has also been a member of the cast of the Hip-Hopera, "Right is Right," and a Harlem Renaissance production, “Images”, which was featured at the National Black Theatre Festival. Finding a passion for slam poetry, Dasan has competed regionally and nationally and was a member of the 2004 Charlotte Slam Team that finished 5th in the country. He went on to start the first ever Bull City Slam Team in Durham, NC and lead them into competition in 2005. A lyricist with a thirst for being on stage, Dasan is truly an artist with “presence”
Since falling in love with the stage and mic, Dasan has also used his talents and connections within the arts circuit to aid in developing the community and pushing for change. He has worked as an organizer on such issues as war, social injustice, workers rights, domestic violence and sexual assault; taught with Duke University's Center for Documentary Studies; conducted creative writing and performance workshops for college and high school age artists; promoted Hip Hop as a tool for literacy with SCALE and it’s campaign with the University of North Carolina; and spent time working with at-risk/court-involved youth. A 2004 recipient of the Indy Arts Award (Independent Weekly Magazine) for his activism and service to the community, he continues to be involved with cultural arts as a creative consultant and artist resident at the Hayti Heritage Center in Durham, NC.
Dasan has promoted his own series of shows and collaborates with NC’s hardest working crews to keep the scene alive. His work is featured often on NPR’s “News and Notes with Ed Gordon” and in online and print publications. Currently he is working on recording projects with Amp Truth Records, and finishing two book projects. Dasan is seeking support to craft a one-man spoken word theatre piece entitled, “Confessions of a Lounge Singer”. This artist believes in the power of words and seeks to use it to revitalize creativity and imagination. Dasan Ahanu, a leader in the new renaissance of modern art and expression.
Your influences?
I'm a Hip Hop product with an passion for words and creative expression. I'm influenced by many different genres of music and artists who give their soul to their craft.
Shadetree Shoutout: Ayinde Kwaku Purell
BIO: ARTLIFESTYLE is deemed a movement, “where music, art and cuisine are enjoined to accentuate the positive. An unforgettable experience for a true admirer of the arts.” It is a series of events that continuously intrigue one’s auditory, visual and flavor palates through live music, inspiring artwork and appetizing cuisine. ARTLIFESTYLE offers a refreshing break from the normal party scene. Since it's emergence in 2006, ARTLIFESTYLE has presented the east coast underground socially elite, the best in The Arts, from live music, fashion, culinary and an array of visual artists. No matter your aural palate, ARTLIFESTYLE offers it for you. With its diverse selection of residential and international guests, ALS continues to set the standard in social experiences. ALS hasbeen sponsored by such companies as Glaceau’s VitaminWater, VitaminEnergy, and SmartWater, and music/social web communities as Fusicology.com, NuFacesNC.com, and TheRealNC.com. 
Bookmark this on DeliciousMonday, February 9, 2009
NAS confirms Kellis pregnancy and Eddie has to pay child support
Nas confirmed to MTV news on Sunday at the Grammy Awards, that he and Kelis are expecting a child and they will find out the sex of the baby soon:
The news first broke out on US Weekly’s website last month that Kelis was currently in her first trimester. The two also celebrated their wedding anniversary in January.
Eddie Murphy has agreed to pay out $51,000 a month in child support to his former girlfriend Melanie Brown and their child together:
British tabloid the News of the World has revealed that Dr. Doolittle star Murphy has agreed to a support package totaling more than $10 million, following a 15 month court battle in Los Angeles.
Murphy sparked a war of words with Brown following their break-up when he suggested it was possible he wasn’t the father of the baby. He subsequently took a DNA test
which determined daughter Angel Iris - born on Murphy’s birthday, April 3rd 2007 - was in fact his. SOURCE
Man Law Mondays featuring Tyler Dirton
No 2 men can watch the Grammy's together
No man can take ice skating lessons
No man's profile name on Myspace can begin with an *, ~, or # sign.
No man can put one finger up while excusing himself in church
No man can sit in the bed in his t-shirt, shorts, and socks while eating ice cream
No man can utter the phrase, "I'm addicted to (Insert Reality Show name here)
No man can suck his teeth in disagreement
No man can complain about the price of facial cream
No man can use his girl's Bath and Bodyworks products
No man can send you a text that looks like this: "wHaT's uP mAn, wHeN iS yOuR sUpPoSeD tO jUmP??
Thank you
No man can take ice skating lessons
No man's profile name on Myspace can begin with an *, ~, or # sign.
No man can put one finger up while excusing himself in church
No man can sit in the bed in his t-shirt, shorts, and socks while eating ice cream
No man can utter the phrase, "I'm addicted to (Insert Reality Show name here)
No man can suck his teeth in disagreement
No man can complain about the price of facial cream
No man can use his girl's Bath and Bodyworks products
No man can send you a text that looks like this: "wHaT's uP mAn, wHeN iS yOuR sUpPoSeD tO jUmP??
Thank you
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