Man Law By Tyler Dirton

No man can wear a watch with a skinny band on his right wrist

No man can have an action figure collection

No man can wear dress shoes with the back or the toes out

No man can wear a sweater with no undershirt

No man can let the juice from fruit run down his mouth

No man can bend over in the shower...if you drop your rag...its just dropped, or try and pick it up like an eagle would its prey

No man can wear mid calf socks

No man can take a camera phone picture of John Legend at a concert

No man can wear a Tall T and boxers to bed

Tyler Dirton Comedy Corner

Im baaaaaack!!!!! Here's some shit I just thought of. Something I like to call ......
THINGS YOUR MOM NEVER TOLD YOU....AS TOLD TO A 5-YR OLD BOY"
Enjoy!

"Never talk to strangers"..................................Unless, they are offering you a $20 blow job or a $5 blunt of purp

"Don't put that under the bed"............................Unless your wife is walking in and that's the only place you can throw that earring ol' girl left over there the other night

"Always look both ways before you cross the street".................................But if you do fuck around and get hit, only get in the ambulance if you have to cuz they gon charge you bout $500 bones for dat shit

"Wipe behind yourself real good when you finish going #2................................But when you get older you gon have more hair in your ass so you probably need something wet to clean all dat up

"Never let anyone touch you in your secret spot............................................Unless she's a thick redbone w/ really nice lips

"Always wipe off your silverware before eating in a restaurant".......................Unless you are at the Waffle House, then you should soak dem shits in hot water cuz everybody that works in there looks like they spit when they talk and dont stop their cuts from bleeding

"Always wash your hands when you finish using the bathroom........................unless you just banged a really borderline chick, you probably want to wash your hands before you touch your dick

"Wait a half an hour after eating before you go swimming..................................But if she's in the jacuzzi butt naked thats a cramp you gon have to take

"Never swallow your gum....................................But if you are running from the cops w/ a pack that carries a felony, yea gon head and eat dat one shorty

"Keep your hands to yourself"...........................................But if you stick your thumb in her butt and she moans, keep the party going

Musician John Legend responded to the cartoon with the following open letter to the Post:

John Legend to NY Post: Shame on You for Cartoon


The New York Post ran an editorial cartoon on Wednesday comparing the author of the federal stimulus bill to a crazed chimpanzee shot by police earlier in the week after attacking a woman in Connecticut.

Dear Editor:

I'm trying to understand what possible motivation you may have had for publishing that vile cartoon depicting the shooting of the chimpanzee that went crazy. I guess you thought it would be funny to suggest that whomever was responsible for writing the Economic Recovery legislation must have the intelligence and judgment of a deranged, violent chimpanzee, and should be shot to protect the larger community. Really?

Did it occur to you that this suggestion would imply a connection between President Barack Obama and the deranged chimpanzee? Did it occur to you that our president has been receiving death threats since early in his candidacy? Did it occur to you that blacks have historically been compared to various apes as a way of racist insult and mockery? Did you intend to invoke these painful themes when you printed the cartoon?

If that's not what you intended, then it was stupid and willfully ignorant of you not to connect these easily connectable dots. If it is what you intended, then you obviously wanted to be grossly provocative, racist and offensive to the sensibilities of most reasonable Americans. Either way, you should not have printed this cartoon, and the fact that you did is truly reprehensible. I can't imagine what possible justification you have for this. I've read your lame statement in response to the outrage you provoked. Shame on you for dodging the real issue and then using the letter as an opportunity to attack the Rev. Sharpton. This is not about Sharpton. It's about the cartoon being blatantly racist and offensive.

I believe in freedom of speech, and you have every right to print what you want. But freedom of speech still comes with responsibilities and consequences. You are responsible for printing this cartoon, and I hope you experience some real consequences for it. I'm personally boycotting your paper and won't do any interviews with any of your reporters, and I encourage all of my colleagues in the entertainment business to do so as well. I implore your advertisers to seriously reconsider their business relationships with you as well.

You should print an apology in your paper acknowledging that this cartoon was ignorant, offensive and racist and should not have been printed.

I'm well aware of our country's history of racism and violence, but I truly believe we are better than this filth. As we attempt to rise above our difficult past and look toward a better future, we don't need the New York Post to resurrect the images of Jim Crow to deride the new administration and put black folks in our place. Please feel free to criticize and honestly evaluate our new president, but do so without the incendiary images and rhetoric.

Sincerely,

John Legend

Sunday Cool Out Session