Animal Kingdom

By Nydigo Sunshine

There are many examples in the Animal Kingdom where the female holds it down
in her union or pairing. From female Meerkats to Lionesses, the female
scouts and hunts for her family. Even the penguin leaves her mate with the
egg while she does the fishing.

With humans, men and women battle the instinctive hunter nature of men in a
New World context. It is no longer necessary for a man to sharpen his spear
or polish his rifle to soothe the need to stalk his prey, conquer it and
bring it home. That dynamic has transferred to our relationships. Black
family dynamics have been altered by constant assault from slavery to the
current socio-economic climate that continues to emasculate Black men and
lays the weight of family solely in the laps of black women. Add gender
confusion and the blurred lines of sexuality and it's no surprise we don't
know what to do with each other.

Human females used to stay home with the "cubs," preserving and preparing
what the men hunted and what she and the children gathered. Changing times
increased both option and need, driving women from the den. More and more
men faced unemployment or low paying jobs, adding to financial stress and
strain. Migrating for jobs took many Black men out of the home, opening the
door for a new page in single parenting. Now, think of the last time you
were out, say at a Target. Hispanic couples are shopping with their
families. White women are out with their men or with diamond
representation. Black women are shopping with babies in tow, and with other
women. What's the significance? Black women have been thrust into the dual
roles of hunter and gatherer, leaving little room for men and their egos.
Black women want to make space for men but don't know how. If we take off
one hat, something gets cold, right?

Were all fishing like penguins now. We bait and catch, but find it often
ends in release, and we're alone again. But what's a girl to do? Perhaps
it's time to regroup, go back and reclaim those seemingly antiquated roles
where men and women have different purposes that balance out and perpetuate
family units. We need to sit back and let men do what they do. It'll
require patience because many haven't had the room to do so at all-if ever.


Take a step back and get next to all that is beautiful about you as a
woman. Think long and hard about what's important to you in a man and what
you're really prepared and willing to offer a partner. Affirm that daily,
projecting what you want and get out of your own way. Let him hunt you,
gently guiding him toward your agreed upon, common goal. When he's ready
he'll pave the way on a path that's straighter and more solid because it's
from his heart and of his mind. If we continue to usurp their role and hunt
men like game, we'll continue to find ourselves eating alone at a table for
two.